Farmer Childs

Norfolk Scenary
Farmer Childs Farm


9th January 1954

Well allo agin ole fings. Anuvver New Year agin!!

Me an Muvver ave bin full o'earkes an pains we've ad that thar Alsearshun Flew thas a-goin about - I fink I jist about blew my snowt orff. So were awl beŽind wiv tha suggar beet an tham a `ell of a lot orf stuff ta git orff them thar fileds, so weve awl bin a workin a 27 hour day an 36 hours on Bank Olidays!!

Mind ya we did ave a little lite entertainmint tha uvver day - we ad one orf them ere Land Rovers wiv a orse box on thar back cum roarin frew tha willage, horns a blastin an stopped at my geart. This ere posh slapper wus a sittin beŽind tha wheel an she say ta me

"My man! I'm lady Barbara, my horse has thrown a shoe can you direct me to the Blacksmiths yard?"

Well I say ta er, "Basil at tha Garridge is your best bet I'm sure ee will elp ya out - if as O.K. wiv ya I'll jump in an show ya tha way" (I aways fancied a ride in a Land Rover a bit more poke than me tracter)

Well she took orf down that thar road( I fink she must ave passed er test at tha Sterlin Moss School awf Motorin) pulled up owtside tha garridge an tha poor ole bor in tha orse box must ave ad is arse on is showlders tha way she slammed thar breakes on. Basil wus ony tew pleased tŽelp, sew we give er a and ta unload tha orse an we left Basil ta git on wiv tha job in and.Lady_Horse_tn

Meantime I arsked Leardy Barbara if she'd like a brew orf tea, time Basil was a fixin up thar orse - so orff we went agin at great speed back ta thar farm ouse. Well this mite not ave bin a clever move on my part cus Muvver Childs sees the Land Rover with the slapper at tha wheel an me perched up thar beside er  well! if looks could kill fearce jist looked like a Robbers arse!!!! Muvver not bein a one ta turn anyone away invited Leardy Barbara in, Muvverjist didint relax in er cumpany an when Leardy Barbara told er she wus a orse breeder awl Muvver cud say wus "Can't they dew that by themselves!!" I fink Leardy Barbara must ave pick up thar atmusfere an she cud see Muvver wus not a appy bunny so she fanked Muvver an said er goodbyes an we went orff up tha rood ta tha garridge. We gits ta tha garridge ony ta find tha orse upside down on thar barn floor - Leardy Barbara exclaimed,

"Oh ! my man what have you done with my horse"

An Basil in is usual dry sense orf umore say,

"Don't ya worrie me leardy I wus a puttin is shew back on an e jist fell owt orf tha vice!!"

Leardy Barbara wus nut impressed wiv Willagesby's Blacksmith. We struggled ta git tha orse back in tha box - an it won't easy tryin ta git tha bugga back in upside down an beside Basil wus workin at a disadvantage ee nearly ad a seizsure when Leardy Barbara leaned over ta push tha ole orse, Basil got an eyeful she ad legs rite up ta er bum an then they got a bit cheeky. Well tha ony legs we git ta see in tha willage are them'uns that look like theve got sprowts stuffed down thar stockins. That wus a real treat fa Basil an tha ole Bugga never made a charge.

"Ave this one on me M'Leardy!!"

They say it will always draw ya further than gunpowder can blow ya - an Basil wus certainly tearken in o'rite.

Jimi_sheep_tnPoor ole Jimi the vet as bin avin a few problims an ee int bin gittin owt much. So Lofty an one of is leardys of tha nite, e nocks about wiv, ave moved in wiv Jimi jist ta give im a bit more cumpany on account that ee as startid ta fancy tha sheep agin. When Jimi gits near them tha sheep, the ole dorg barks like `ell at im an thas makin Jimi suffin savage, an tha leardy of tha nite say,

"Can I do anyfing far ya Bor Jimi?"

"Yes" ee say "Teark that bloody dorg fa a walk!!"

Wot da ya fink bout Sorft Sally up at tha Big Ouse, she's bin frowin er munney bout agin, ony took erself orff ta London Arley Street and ad anuvver fearce lift.  Muvver say if she as any more done she'll cum ome wiv a beard!! Talkin of which I've jist cum back frum Farby an IŽve ad a Fourpenny Awll Orff!!!!! Lovely ole job too, Muwer rekon I'm a fart smeller now an she'll be a'washin me air tonite in tha sink, don't them bits git rite down ta ya wellies!!

Well as bin rite nice gittin back ta talkin ta ya awl agin, don't fergit ta rite if yew can find tha time!


Bye Bye Me Bewties


Dew Yew Keep A Gud Lite


Farmer Childs





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