28th December 1952
Chrishmus Eve an grandud 'Erbert an granma Dairsey janneyed down to stey ovver 'til New Yaars - thar smell o'morth balls `av returned. So its Ole Boiys nite owt at thar Duck an Ferrit - its 'Erberts fust nite owt for weeks an ee's in thar scullery towel tucked in `is shirt collar avin a quick lick an a promise makin a noise like a duck avin a wash.
And its orf down thar pub for a few pints - Blarst we dint harf put sum pints away, but as were gittin on in years the old prostrate gis us plenty o' trubble , I wook up at tew o'clock nearly birstin an I had ta git up an git merself down ta thar privvie at thar bottom of thar garden - onny ta find poor ol 'Erbert arl readdie in thar. As 'Erbert cum out of thar privvie the poor ol bor wus bent ovver dubble an as he fell t'wards me I thought he wus 'avin one o them thar bad turns - onny ta find thar silly ol' sod has dun his braces up on his fly butten. Just then our local bobby P.C. Gallip-orf cum up thar farm yard a shinin his torch - he wus a lookin for Bert who nevir arrived `ome frum thar Duck an Ferrit an his missis Mabel ad called thar constabulary t'luk for him - well I knew Bert as took a short cut ome frew the church yard so I went with P.C. Gallip-orf to elp find im. Sure enough thar ee wus in the church yard - silly 'ol bugger ad fell inta a freshly dug grayve - I poked 'im with a stick an said "cum yew on ere Bert!" ee tarned ovver an said "teark them uthers first there arl bin here longer 'n me".
Thar wus rite ol fun an gearmes next mornin, 'Erbert ad lorst his bottom set of teeth an he was a gittin 'isself in a rite muckwash a lookin fur them - Dairsey sat in the corner with a grin jus like Clarke Gable an dint giv a dam - it wernt until muther had a clooser loke at her onny ta see the silly old mare had had got tew bottom sets in an one o'them wus 'Erbert's cus it ad a gold tooth in - arl Dairsey cud say wus "We'll 'ent that a Rummun !"
We'll my bewties "Fare-y-well tergether"
Do yew Keep a Good Lite