12th May 1953
Well allo agin Ol things,
Looks like Spring is well an truly ere, the ol gardin is a comin back ta life an Muvver as jist pulled er fust Asparagus, blast thas as fick as ya fumb, suffin good!! Muvver say she'll put some aside fa Lofty, just wat ee needs to put lead in is pencil ..... an I know ee don't ave nobody ta rite to!!
Janet's bin avin fun an gearmes at tha school this past week, she's ad one of them trainee teachers workin wiv er. She won't quite sure whos wuz doin the moost learnin, im or the kids. Well the new master turns up on Monday mornin all eager an ready wiv all is new ideas, an Janet say them kids din't arf giv this ere new master a funny ole look when ee cum out wiv "Do any body want ta go to tha privy before we start todays lessons ?" Little Betty said "I need a pee sir".
Well ee wus rite red fearced when ee say "In future Betty you will call it a number one!!" Young Fred put is and up an say "Please sir I need a tom tit!" The Master cum back at im rite quick "In future you will call it a number two". Now as the mornin went on the new school master noticed yung Billy shufflin about in is seat an gittin very red in the fearce. Tha Master wus a beginin ta lose is pearshence an yelled at Billy "Boy wot's wrong with you ?" Billy wus afraid ta open is mouth incase ee exploded !!! So young Freddy churped in "Please sir ee wan'ts to fart but ee don't know the number!!". Blast the Master wus wholly flabbergasted.
Not to be out done ee tried to keep tha class's attention by producin this ere basket an sayin "Today I've brought a little pet to school" an out of the basket cum this great ole tabby cat "Now can any one in the class tell me how its tail keeps on ?" Betty wus pritty quick on tha reply an said "The fur grows down the cat 's back an keeps is tale on !" "Thats very good Betty, now what about you Billy ?" Billy wus feelin a bit more cumfurtable now is bum ad got rid of the hiccups "Sir ee as a bone in is tale, an tha's wot keeps is tale on !" Yung Freddy not missin is chance stuck is and up, "Well Freddy what do you think ?" "Well sir buy tha size of them nuts at the back it's bolted on !!" The poor ole Master con't andle anymore comments like that, tha tabby cat went back in the basket an ee wus on is way wiv some menshun of is pullin is air out. Furriners, who needs em!!
They do say that Edgercarshun is a learnin tearble, seems that thar new Master certainly ad is fill at Willagesby School. Ee shud ave took a pearge out of our books, tha oney igher edgercarshun we got wus a'goin to the ole school up tha hill, an our further edgercarshun wus completed be-ind tha bike sheds. Say No More !!
The ole tractor as bin a playin up so I called in at the garage. Basil an Polly ad jist got back frum Yarmouth, Polly ad got tha toof ach so it wus abit of an emerginsey to git er in tha Dentist chair. Poor ole Polly wus all of a sheark an say to tha Dentist "I'd rather ave a bebby then ave a toof out !!" The Dentist ee say "Meark ya mind up cus I'll ave to alter tha chair !!" Polly won't sittin thar wiv a smile on er fearce so I'd guess she choose ta av tha toof out !! Well Basil's a rite ole gooden ee´s a got my ole tractor a goin agin so I'm orff up tha top field ta do a bit o'plowin. No Rest Fa Tha Wicked !!!!
Bye Bye Me Bewties
Dew Yew Keep A Gud Lite