8th July 1953
Well Hallo agin Ole fings
The wicar fought ee'd blow tha stink orf tha willigers an teark us fer a mistery tour on one o'them thar charabang buses wiv no top. So we loaded up tha milk stowtes an brown ales along a awl tha piknik baskits an orf we went. Lofty wus tha driver, thas why thay called it a misterey tour, cus wen ee went ta school is report said "Geograhpy" Lofty as trubble findin is way ome, thas why tha wicar picked im fa tha driver.
All tha girls wore thair large sun ats, an when Lofty took the bends at speed the fronts of the ats would flick up an they awll looked like Gabby Haise in a cow-boy film. Some ow Lofty found is way ta Horning an we pulled in at the Horning Swan pub next ta tha river. It wus suffin buzy jampacked wiv boats an boatie types, ya know tha sort, blazers, London whites an cricket jumper's over their showlders. Rite ole hugh-ray-enreys an "how are you today dear boy" - defernutely not tha types ta pee-in the barf water!!
As we got orf tha charabang thay awl startid ta move frum the tables. Well !! we check'd our boots -but it wornt that !! Ya could say we din't blend in tew well wiv tha crowd, but our money's as gud as thairs an b'sides it wus tha wicar's shout. We sat at tha tearbles outside the pub avin a pint an watchin tha boats tryin ta moor up when this small cruiser wiv this great ole mawther dressed all very posh in command of er craft, an tha Captan at the wheel a bein towld wot ta do. Ee wus a high rankin orficer, ee ad egg on tha peak of is 'at an rings on is jackit arm's frum sturrin tha custid in the kitchin. Well this ere mawther startid ta chuck er wait about, she showtid out "Left abit George, Rite abit George" as thay cum ter moor up at tha pub. Then she showtid "Slow down George!! Throw your balls over the side George!! Well tha poor ole Wicar turn'd rite red in tha fearce, an us lot fell about larffin, an tha great ole mawther shot below deck an left poor ole George ta teark command of is craft an go on down river.
The Wicar decidid we'd caused enuff ructions at tha riverside an marched us awl orff inta tha meadda ta av our piknik. The girls laid tha big tearble clorths on tha grass an it wus awll ell let loose once tha lids wus orff them ampers - maybe tha Wicar wus rite in movin us ta sumwhere a bit more private 'cus I'm sure people wud 'ave paid gude money ta see sumfin like that at thar Zoo.
When w'ed finished stuffin our fearces tha Wicar fort that we awll needid a bit of exercise, so ee reckon'd a few races would finish tha day orff nicely. We startid orff wiv tha egg 'n spoon race which wus won by Fowey who was swiftly disqualified wen tha Wicar noticed is egg wus stuck ta tha spoon wiv a bit o' chewin gum. Next up wus tha sack race, this ended up a rite ole fiasco, whoever got the sacks orff thar coal lorry fergot ta shake 'em out. At the end o' the race they awll ended up a lookin like Black an White Minstrals. The Wicar then lined awll tha wimen up fer tha 100 yds dash, well ya shud ave seen 'em they looked a rite o' bunch wiv thair dresses awl pulled up an tuck'd in thair nickers it wus a close race wun by Janet who is quite streamline. Poor ole Mabel dint stand a chance cus every time she tried ta get a bit o'speed up she couldn't see where she wus a goin, she'd a bin o'rite if she'd a thrown 'em ovver er showlders. The final race wus fer tha men, tha three legged race, they awll lined up an 'ad their legs tied ta thair partners an they were away.....the race wus wun by Lofty who qualified ta run it by 'imself !!!
Well!! a loverly time wus 'ad by awll.
It wus back on thar charabang an back ta Willagesby singin Ten Green Bottles awl thar way 'ome.
That wus jist wot me an muvver needin ta give us a nice littil break away frum awl this ere work on tha farm, it'll soon be time fer us ta be a gittin awll our peas in an then Lofty'll ave is work cut out on tha lorry.
Bye Bye Me Bewties
Dew Yew Keep A Gud Lite