10th March 1954
Well allo agin ole fings !! Well um a'gittin on ! Not so well as I used ta be....but I´ma still a gitten on !!! I woke up s'mornin an felt like a twenty year old , but where can ya find a twenty year old at 4.30 in tha mornin owt ere?
We've ad a bit of an amergincy down ere in tha willage, Ted at tha Duck 'N Ferrit wus a bit orff culure so ee ad ta phone fer tha Doc at Farby, ony ta be towld ee wus owt bringin anuvver whippa snappa inter tha world an coud ee be ill tamorra wen the Doc mite git a chance ta call. Not ta be put orff Ted rung Jimmi tha Vet and arsked im if ee coud give im a M.O.T. check up. Jimmi called in thar Duck 'N Ferrit ony ta find poor ol Ted tearkin up a learzy posture in the big ole chair in tha corner of tha pub. Jimmi was a doin a rite gude job on Ted, ee checked is chest an got im ta corff awl in tha rite plearces, an it won't till Jimmi startid ta soap is arm that bor Ted meard a remarkable recovery, well it jist go ta show as awll in thar mind!!
Janet at tha School decided ta ave a Fancy Dress nite fer awl tha littel kiddies (Bless Em!!). That wus a real big nite fer the kids on account o'tha Mayor O'Yarmouth bein tha judge - I dont know if ya know that funny ole bor, ees gotta speach impedermint an ee aways calls me Charmer Files (de ya git me jist!).
Well on this ere nite they got down ta the last three in the judging an the ole Mayor say ta the first littel mawther "Well who are ya my dear ?" she say "I'm Little Bo Peep " "Oh I see Little Po Beep!!" and on ee goes ta the littel ole bor standin next ta 'er "I'm The Lone Ranger Mister Mayor" "Yis I can see The Rone Langer - very nice sonny!!" Mr Mayor gits ta last one an ee say "My word you're a big lad - who are ya ?" " I'm Friar Tuck sir!!" "Oh yes ! I know Robin Hoods friend !!" Janet culured up and the hall awl went quiet (can't fink why - can yew?) an Mr Mayor decidid ta give prizes ta awll free - jist as well I fink.
An if ya ave bin follerin this yarn Lofty took tha hint an disappeared wiv one of is Leardies o'tha nite - ee fought ee'd give er a private showin of is puppet skills - well as is muvver aways said "Lofty my bor yewd be gud at tha Punch 'n Judy 'and puppets on Yarmouth front tha way ya bring yor trowsers ta life !!" An ya now ee won't miss owt on tha chance ta flatten a bit o' grass - later ee say ta me "She wus a bit o' a bike really.......but I dint want everyone else avin a ride"
Talkin of bikes...Fowey as got imself a new bike an as a rummin ow ee cum about it - ee reckon this yung lady cum haring down thar lane on er bike, stopped, took awl er clothes orff an said "Take Wot You Want !!".....thas a smart bike werf a bob or tew !! Fowey reckon'd ee felt pritty bad about tearkin advantige o'tha situwation like that so ee fowt ee wud put fings rite an go an confess is sins, an ee ony went an upset tha wicar. Tha wicar knocked on thar wall of tha confeshun box an Fowey say ta im "As no gud ya a knockin like that..... theres no paper in 'ere either !!!" Can Ya teark 'im any where ay !!
A fore I go I must jist tell ya 'ow I got meself owt of a scrape tha uvver nite...I wus late back frum thar Duck 'N Ferrit agin an I new Muvver wud be in a rite stew wiv me, so I ad this gud idea, I bought a box o'chocolates frum behind tha bar an stuck an ole Raffle Ticket on it........tha reason bein wen I gits ome I say ta Muvver "Sorry I'm late ole suggar but I ad ta wait while they drew thar Raffle... jist aswell too cause I won ya this!!" It works every time an as betta than a rollin pin ovver the ole hid.
Well Springs in the air an tha saps a risin an I ope ya are gittin as much as me !!!
Bye Bye me Bewties
Dew Yew Keep a Gud Lite